Addiction

[Sailor1]

It all started out so innocently, just as all addictions.  First we start out with the mine set that we can quit anytime that we want to and promise ourselves that it will never get to the point that it takes over our life.  I had heard stories of men that become addicted and went over the edge.  I had seen the home of a well known addict and had personally seen where this person kept his stash, neatly stacked on metal shelves, taking up every inch of a closet.  Standing there looking at the stash, a tribute to his addiction, I had to shake my head as I silently thought, “how could a person let this happen to them”.  I had first hand knowledge of how his addiction had taken complete control of his life and what I witnessed that day was only a remnant of his past.    Before I personally met him, I had heard stories of him and of his addiction.  I had even seen pictures of things that were just too hard to imagine.  How could a person get so out of control?    I had heard rumors that his addiction caused him to end up in an RV park and sleep in a wheelbarrow. 

Yes, I had been warned!  I had been told that messing around with this was addictive and what it could lead to and how one might end up but I was never going to let it happen to me.  No Sir!  I would be able to control this and I would never let it get out of hand.   

It started some years ago and to be truthful I don’t really want to know when.  I only went to the grocery store and bought some pre-ground pork.  What could it hurt?  It was only a pound.  I mean, just a little pound of ground pork.  I ran into the house with the purchased pork wrapped in a plastic bag hoping the neighbors would not have a clue as to what I was up to.  My wife had spices and she would not miss a ¼ teaspoon out of any of those little bottles. I rummaged through my wife’s spices without her knowing.  I had the adrenaline rush from knowing that I was getting away with something.  I followed the mixing directions that I had gotten off the Internet.  Oh, I was very careful to follow the directions to a T.  This was my first time and I was so very careful to make sure each teaspoon of ingredients was perfect.  The ingredients were carefully mixed in with the meat and the feel of the texture of the meat in my hands were indescribable.  The mixture was quickly pounded into paddies and fried in the skillet.  Nervous?  Oh, I was plenty nervous.  What would my wife think?  What would she say?  What would her reaction be? 

I had come this far and there was no turning back.  The fragrance of cooked sausage permeated the house.  I could not hide it any longer!  She would know!  Quickly I plated the sausage patties and presented them to my wife.  The expression on her face remains with me to this very day and I am sure I will have a vivid memory of this event for the rest of my life.  I will never forget her eyes!  Her eyes grew as large as saucers.  Her words still reverberate in my ears, “Did you make this”?  My heart was pounding!  Beads of sweat had formed on my face.  I managed to squeak out in a less than manly voice, “yes”.  Then she said the words that I had been hoping to hear, “this is the best sausage I have ever tasted”.  They say you always remember your first time.

That was the start of it.  Making patties seemed, well, so simple.  Just go to the store and buy a pack of pre-ground meat and mix it up, fry it up and make people smile.  Life is just not that simple, at least not for me!  Soon I found that patties would just not give me the rush that I had previously experienced.  I needed something more.  If I could only make sausage links!  That would be all that I needed to be able to do.  All I would need is an inexpensive sausage stuffer.  Searching the Internet I found the Grizzly 5 pound stuffer for $79.  If found out, I told myself that my wife would understand.  My rational was that a stuffer was less money than a pair of my wife shoes and she has a closet full of shoes she never wears.  This was what I was prepared to tell her if she found out but in reality I just fell on my knees and asked for forgiveness and promised to never buy any more sausage making stuff.

Not only am I an addict, I am also a habitual liar!

How is one to know what type of meat is being put in the pre-packaged bundles of ground meat that you by at the store?  I mean, I could really be harming the health of my wife, family and friends serving them ground meat that comes from the store.  A meat grinder would have to be purchased.  This is all about food safety!  I plotted.  I schemed.  I could make her understand the need to have a grinder.  I could play the money card!  Yes that was it!  I would be saving money by buying a pork butt and grinding it myself and saving money, as I would not have to pay the butcher.  Ha!  She bought into it!

Those were the days.  Grinding away and stuffing fresh sausages and grilling on the grill.  The fresh sausage rush started to fade away and I had to have something better.  Something more exciting!  Oh, I knew what I needed.  I knew it like I know the back of my hand.  No, the stainless steel propane grill could never quench my thirst.  I needed…..No, I had to “have”……..an electric smoker.  That would be all that I needed.  I could do brisket, ribs, pulled pork and SAUSAGE.  My mind would race just thinking of what smoker I would need.  How could I convince my bride to contribute to my madness?   

I forget what excuse or lie I made up to justify buying the Bradley OBS.  At this point I guess it really does not matter.  I had my 5 pound stuffer, #12 grinder and an electric smoker.  The ends justify the means, at least that is what I have been told. 

Now I was ready to smoke sausage.  I was ready to try to use cure #1.  No longer was I just an innocent fresh sausage patty maker but I was transforming into a hardened smoked sausage maker.   Looking back, the shame of it all.  I started off with simple smoked sausages from recipes that were given to me or what I could copy off recipe sites.  Then the experimentation started.  Searching and buying spices with names I had never heard of before.  Smelling the freshly opened containers of spices.  My head was swooning.  Batch after batch I experiment with.  The kitchen would look like someone operating a Meth lab had been working in it.

The batches were small at first.  I would not want to mess up a large batch of meat so I would only make 1 pound batches.  Then it went to 5 pound batches.  Then grew to see how many pounds I could safely smoke in the Bradley.  If one was careful, 20 pounds of summer sausage could be hung in the Bradley or 10 pounds of snack sticks. 

I had everything I needed.  I had slowly and methodically taken over my wife’s spice cabinet.  I had taken over the pantry with all of my sausage making equipment.  I was showing no fear.  I was on a high.  Her kitchen needs did not matter.  I had to get my fix and concerns for her feelings were non-existent. 

The small sausage smoking was not satisfying my addiction.   I had to have something bigger.   Something better.  I had to be able to hang longer and larger chubs and load bigger loads of links and make bigger batches of snack sticks.  I needed, I craved, I had to have….Yes, a bigger smoker! 

In my devious mind, filed away in a dark place was a memory of the man.  The man that started it all.  Yes, the man that that was the addict that is now living in an RV park.  I remembered that he had built a big smoker and had it in his backyard in PA.  How he would temp sausage makers.  How he would show the sausage makers the big batches of sausage he would smoke.  I remember like yesterday how he made a big smoker out of a proofer.  That’s it!  That is what I need to satisfy my craving.  I had to have a proofer smoker. 

There was no way a proofer smoker could be smuggled into the garage especially when my wife’s car is parked in the garage.  I stayed up nights thinking of a lie that I could tell her as to why I was buying a proofer and turning it into a smoker.  I’m sure that what ever lie I told her she didn’t believe it.  I went from buying spices in the little jars to finding a supplier and buying jugs of 24 oz bottles.  Yes, I have a spice girl that delivers spices to my front door.  I have her on my speed dial and she is always there to talk to me and to sooth me and tell me that she will have my delivery the next day.  I guess that I am lucky that this company is located only a few mile from my house.

In my quest to stuff more poundage and stuff it faster I had to get a water stuffer.  My bride bought me some tables and said that they would fit nicely on the screened in back porch.  She said that I could listen to the birds and wildlife better on the back porch while stuffing sausage.  She even bought me some shelving for my office closet.  She took all of my stuff out of her pantry and spice cabinet and stored it all on the shelves.  I love her and am so thankful that she puts me first!  I am a lucky man!  I have an understanding wife or at least a wife that tolerates me.  Or perhaps a wife that wants her kitchen back. 

What prompted me to write this was an image that I have seared in my mind.  It was the day I visited Rick and was invited into his office and in his office closet was a metal shelf loaded with all of his spices, casings, mixes, rubs, stuffers, grinders and everything that was needed to be an addict.  As I opened my office closet door it hit me.  This is almost the same sight that I saw at Rick’s house! 

I am a sausage addict!


My grinder, stuffers, casings, spices, gloves, rubs and everything an addict needs.  This was the image that reminded me of NEPAS closet when I visited him.


More stuff on the top shelf


A 15 pound load of deer sticks in the smoker today (2 rows of sticks)

[TentHunteR]

ROFL!!!

Jim... That is probably the funniest thing I have seen posted on this forum!!!

Now the scary part is how well I relate to your story (and I bet I'm not the only one). 

[nepas]

HA

Thats funny an i did warn ya....EH



Jim
Sorry not got back to you, got a re lapse of this freakin pneumonia crap.

[teesquare]

FUNNY!!!

Jim - when someone expresses an interest in Charcuterie to me, after seeing my "collection" of stuff.....I usually tell them to go get hooked on crack first. Typically - they respond with bugged eyes and a slack jaw....Then I grin - and explain that at least there are treatment centers for crack...But none for sausage, jerky and ham makin' guys!

[drholly]

Jim,

What a great story and so well told! This is bookmarked.

Thanks!

D

[Las Vegan Cajun]

Now THAT was a funny story.

[ACW3]

Jim,
That was a delightful read.  I, too, was introduced to Rick at his PA home.  I remember his closet well.  I also remember his wife thanking me for "taking" so many spices and samples.  Didn't I want more?  I brought Rick 15 to 20 pounds of elk meat that day.  I left with over twice as much in goodies from his stash.  Like all addictions, the first tastes are free.  Once you are hooked...  Well, you know.

Rick's Smokeouts are legendary.  I first met a lot of his charcuterie buddies at the 2nd PA Smokeout.  I have since attended several meetings of Rick's Charcuterie Anonymous Chapter.  I t is a traveling road show.  I haven't made a meeting of Chris' Charcuterie Anonymous Chapter, yet.  One of these days.

Remember, brothers and sisters, there is always someone out there with an addiction worse than yours.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  I have Rick on speed dial, just in case.

Art

[africanmeat]

[Tenpoint5]

Yep this pretty much sums it all up! BTW the annual meeting of mine is usually the second weekend in August or the week after Sturgis.

[CANNON-MAN]

Well Jim
You might need help or what can I say. This is where you are headed.